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Am I Bitter?




 Have you ever felt burnt out trying to live a life that's pleasing to God? Maybe find yourself wanting to get away from everyone and everything? Or maybe you're tired of trying to hold on to your salvation and, have grown weary in well doing? Well! My answer is yes to all 3. I begun to feel burnt out and grew tired of my everyday routine. The church became more of a burden and less than a place of worship. I became less inclined to praise God. I stop talking to God on the regular. I was in such a slump. I truly felt like I didn't know what to say at that point in time.  I stopped reading the Bible regularly because I was so distracted, by how I was feeling (which was a Disconnect from life and God) until I couldn't focus. I felt so unfulfilled. I spent countless days and nights trying to fill a void and emptiness I didn't understand.  

 I tried to fill my emptiness with social media, games and youtube videos. I start feeling on edge like a ticking time bomb. I lost satisfaction in the things that I love. Nothing anyone ever did was good enough. The enjoyment was only brief. Reading books became less of an escape. My favorite television shows became bland and boring. I barely wanted to roll out of bed at this point. I didn't know if I was unhappy and miserable or battling Depression. What happened to me?

  I allowed my trials and tribulation to make me bitter and angry.  I wanted to give up on everything. Bitterness, shame, and anger had gotten the best of me. It is very important that you don't allow bitterness and unforgiveness to rule in your life. Sometimes when you are bitter you are the last to recognize it. The Bible says that bitterness takes root. When you have been hurt, you have to heal properly. If not the hurt grows deeper, and now you're dealing with this unexplained anger and disconnection. It felt like hurt and brokenness had over taken my life. I begin to feel helpless and invincible. It was if no one could touch my hurt because it was so deep. (I was wrong)




   A person that's bitter is: hypersensitive, ungrateful, insincere, hold grudges, bad mood swings, and very Good at hiding how wounded they really are. It begins to take over how you see things. You start to view things negatively, even if they are positive. You begin to feel differently about the people in your life. In your mind, they are all against you. Trusting becomes difficult and unable to obtain. It produces anger and detachment in your heart. Now you are at a place of numbness and confusion. 


  Bitterness affects you spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. If you have bitterness in your heart it automatically creates a disconnect between you and God. Jesus is love and he lives in our heart. Hatefulness and Holiness both cant dwell in your heart at the same time. Without a pure heart, it's impossible to please God. If you are bitter that implies you're housing unforgiveness, and in order for God to forgive us, we must first forgive others. 



  Admitting to myself I was bitter was hard and shameful but, I knew If I wanted to be delivered from that place, I had to be honest with myself. You might not feel like bitterness is in your heart. Pray and ask God to reveal it to you. The bible says that the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. (Jeh17:9). A deceitful heart can't diagnose another deceitful heart. Let God replace your hurt with his love, joy, and compassion. Allow God to heal your brokenness and make you whole. Right now God is waiting for you to bring your bitterness to the foot of the cross so he can uproot it out of you. 

The effect bitterness can have on your life can be catastrophic and life-altering. It can produce a lack of sleep, grouchiness, fatigue, lack of confidence, your health, and the inability to have a healthy relationship. Every day you have to work toward your healing. First, you must put what happened to you on hold. Take what happened to you off Replay. Start filling your Mind with tasks that excite you. Although it might be hard it's possible. Being active is a great escape. It allows your mind to focus on other things.  Then you have to accept what happened to you. When you can accept it the healing process can begin. Next! Stop spying on the person who hurt you. It makes you feel worst and it causes resentment and anger. Also, Don't be afraid to let go of your pain. Once you release it freedom steps in. Forgiveness is key. You have to forgive them and also yourself. Last, but not least; you have to live in the Now. Trying to live in the past and the now at the same time generates mass confusion, and possibly a nervous breakdown. Not only is it destroying you but, it also destroy the people around you. Always remember you are a conquer, an overcomer, and Unstoppable. God has a great plan for your life. Start the business you have been aspiring to start. Begin that new workout plan you've been dying to kickoff. Take the vacation you always wanted. Remember that God is bigger than any situation you will ever face in Life. That's why I was wrong earlier. Every time I felt my hurt become overwhelming; I continue to tell myself God is bigger than any problem I could ever face. I begin to speak positivity in my life until positivity became my life. 


Prayer
Lord, I pray for any and everybody who has read this post and is in need of prayer. Please forgive them for any acts they committed prior to this prayer. I pray Lord that you reveal what's been holding them back from loving you and worshipping you for the Great King that you are. Uproot bitterness out of them on today Jesus remove anything in them that is, not like you Father. Make them whole father just like the woman with the issue of Blood. Put the pieces of their broken heart back together. You said in your word that healing is the children's bread, so we are rejoicing in our healing father. We are trusting you father, we need you right now God. Give them a forgiving heart, joy, your peace, your love right now Father. Increase their strength and faith so they may remain steadfast and faithful in the midst of their trials and tribulation. We love you, Jesus, we honor you it is in your mighty name we Pray Amen!


P.S. part 2 coming soon

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